Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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