What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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