just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
