He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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