the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
