we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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