this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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