yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
