You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
