thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
