Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
