My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
