You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
