If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
