So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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