I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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