omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
