Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
