So drunk, too bad you don't want this
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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