so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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