yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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