I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
