why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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