just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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