the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Still dying that you shit outside
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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