sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
