i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
