Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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