I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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