I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
