hotel room ftw
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
