I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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