found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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