When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you had me at cake vodka
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
