Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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