I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
