she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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