she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have already put on my inside pants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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