i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
