The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
