ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
