the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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