walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
