Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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