If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
