Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and she was petting her beer can
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
