Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think my vagina is haunted
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
