I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
