No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
