Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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