ugly people sure do ruin things
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
