we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
