You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
