Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
