Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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