he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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