This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
