Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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