I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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