eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
