Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
