So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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