OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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