i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
