So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
