why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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